Often times, I have set my heart on things of great personal importance and largely I have seen them crushed. A heart is going to face such things in life, as it is evident on many, many crossroads, through life's hurdles. Over and over, the same pattern is repeated, if things go further in this direction, one may say, then a part of life's plan will open for me and perhaps what greatness that is inside of me, the gift of life itself and the good that is in it will be more able to be built in this world. But only 'if.'
Whatever you see 'if' as being.
Whether you dear reader believe that there is a cosmic set of forces controlling it, you would branch out from this crossroad into your own internal process, into the praise of the mighty power of a healing and knowing and still very loving God. Or, you would conversely believe that there is a universe of random particles winging and sizzling at fantastic rates too incomprehendable to understand, with some unfathomed purpose, to what end is not knowable and you'd be seriously, seriously insane for even looking into the possibility that it will ever make sense.
Two choices with all of the independent and random justifications as there are individuals there to rationalize them. That is not the concern here. What is the concern is the personal and independent is and will always be a part of the whole of society and society is the universal. Every time that I met myself at the crossroads and made my decision I made it in accord with my conscience and full knowledge of what I had in me to become and I have begged to be but nothing has been true, if not that each time iot has come to pass that something will not,cannot allow it to pass. Some might call them teachable moments, where failure meets ego and selfish desire. Over and over in my life, something in me has brought me face to face with the reality that moral failure leads to personal suffering and being cut off from life itself and the destruction of that the position that makes it possible to even be at the crossroads of life, to have that chance. My moral failure has led to my futile effort at the perfection I know is in me.
Yesterday was the destruction of so much that I had in my heart for that perfection, the sublimnity within me and for us all. The Presidents Commencement Day Speech at Notre Dame was the death of so much of what I had hoped for my world, for my country and for the world. I feel personally responsible and I beg the world to defend me while I cannot defend myself. I have sinned against myself and that within me that is holy, so that, the world will never be that same. Defend me world, because what I have sinned against was you and what yesterday was if anything but the affirmation that you wish to be destroyed with sin and vain attempts to convert life's purpose for your own desire. So defend me. I somehow disbelieve that you can. No one anywhere seems genuinely interested in actually helping anybody else and it would be seriously, seriously insane to try because you cannot get anywhere near helping someone else get back to that crucible crossroad and align every crosshair and make them shoot through into the making of the sublimnity for which each one of us is made.
I will be further from what I need because of my own failing. Feeling that I have sinned and failed to speak out in time or act in some way that would make any difference at all. So what is the worlds interest in this matter, but that millions of others have happened and have gone past the crossroads and gotten farther and more tarnished along the way. The issue of abortion will never go away because it is a sin that destroys the holiness and sublimnity within each one of us. Because that possibility and chance is all we have through our personal decisions. We have either to accept the love that we have been offered by a loving God, or we reject Him. The consequence of following our heart and desires is the choice of following a cruel master, because every time the origin is human, it leads to destruction and a greater distance from the possibility of making the world a better place. There are too many factors and it is beyond us to do it.
Nothing could be more destructive to live itself than abortion. The consequence is immeasurable because the crossroads will never be more than a feeling. The Rubicon we have crossed from which we can never go back. Forgive me world that I did not offer a more vocal and unconvincing argument that the danger was ever more greater, that we will never go back and could not if we tried. We will now have to press on without God and without the goodness which is our destiny because we have made war on ourselves. Forgive me God for not watching out for your flock any better. Why it has not gone together the way that it needed to I can only answer to you in my faith, but that I realized my error only too late. It was not about me, but it went through me. Have mercy. Every step from now on is further from progress, further from the place where the human heart can reside and seek rest. All that is left is the destruction of all that is important in life, and every kind of deciet and deception will be employed to hide it.
How did Fr. Jenkins at Notre Dame and all of those people who are a part of my faith that support this man, who acts as an appeaser while he steals what he wants and sows contempt even in his natural enemies homes? It sounded to me like Hitler's Sudetenland speech where he still sounded reasonable, using straw man to paint his detractors as unreasonable. He got many people to believe that he was a reasonable man, that he was thoughtful and had considered one's interests and yet had to compromise a little principle to gain so much of what the German people could be. Always, with the tuck of principle here, a little reasonable trimming of purpose there and a tiny bit of loss of freedom there and always ruthlessly fast in loose in action, covering so much so fast that one could never believe it. How he does it will matter very little very soon because from now on, the church has the soil of abortion on its hands now, and the church is made from Christ sacrifice, the most Holy and redeeming mercy. This man knows how to destroy the American church because of so many willing acolytes in his new church. The church of so much incredible power that it will drag the whole world down with it when it will be crushed. There is no other possibility, as we are destined to be caught in it.
Forgive me. I have failed. But think of Bonhoeffer, and pray that I will have the strength to face what is coming with as much fire and faith to be a good soldier in the time of the greatest darkness. There must be a new light, have mercy. Amen.